Things that have passed

1. I took Faye to the airport today. What a great lady! I enjoyed having her around. She has such a great laugh and is very wise. It would have been fun to have her for another weekend. But I was blessed by our time even if she did sing the dreaded song but i got her back by leaving a present in her suitcase.

2. I had my first phone interview for the youth ministry consultant job tonight... FINALLY. I think it went well but I am just trusting God for it. I feel peaceful about it most times.

3. Tomorrow is the last day I will share my name with a staff member. It is Cindy's, our church secretary, last day. We are going for lunch together. Things at work are really changing.

Reason to Live

God Does Have a Sense of Humour

So today is valentine's day. I have long ago gotten over the shame of being single expecially on days like today. Today this is no different. Yet today I woke up sad... this phenomemon has been increasing daily since Sunday for no apparent reason. I wonder if I am getting sick... the flu has been going around. Later I read a directional statement our church put together for apporval. They list all the staff but me... this is not the first i have been forgetten or ignored at my workplace. I feel lonely, left out, dejected. It brings up the continous feeling of not belonging (by the way the directional statement was about making people feel like they belong at our church - I half smile at the irony). Tonight we have to discuss it. Sigh! So I feel more down than I woke up. I decide the best thing to do is to read some scripture for encouragement. This is what I read...

Ecclesiastes 4:7->
I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone ... It's better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there's no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night.

It made me laugh. It was completely impractical and unhelpful for me. It could depress a single person on valentine's day but it made me laugh.

TRUST is true FAITH

"I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it. That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear. " Eccl 3

The concept of not asking God questions has come up a few times in my devotions... Is God telling my to shut up? Not that I believe God doesn't want us to ask questions but He wants so much more and it goes beyond even just me being quiet to listen to Him.

The more I examine my life - the more the realization springs up that I have trust issues when it comes to God. I definately have a belief in Him and I definately love Him. I trust Him but only mostly. How can I tell? Well it is easy to state I trust God but my life in action does not often mirror that trust. Frustration, confusion, control and anger issues arise on a weekly basis. This of course is not a new realization for me. I work with youth and they point it out your inconsistanties incessantly and it humbles me. But the problem is that I am not getting over it even though I know it.

This is where these verses convict me. It is not just a relationship of communication with God... the act of talking and listening but the action of worshipping in holy fear. He is God and I am not. Its the realization that what is going to happen will happen. I can not stop it or control it or manipulate it. Evangelical church has always stressed so much about how WE need to refrain from sin and WE need to serve and WE need to grow in our relationship with God and WE need to evangelize... then with the quick but often too short addition of in HIS strength not our own. Because of this I feel like I am constantly searching and working to make things happen for God. There is this constant drive and fear about pleasing God. But true worship is not about 'WE' or even our work. Its about trusting He is in the good, bad and ugly of our lives and we work as we see HIM working. WE don't need to make these things happen but trust that He will and worship him. That is such a great gift of freedom. God doesn't need my striving... He wants me to stop and see HIM working in all His Glorious power. Gain trust from what I see and then work in the contentment that HE will get HIS way in the end no matter what. It is something my dutch friends here seem to understand... they have grown up in it. Although I do fear that you can trust so much that you can stop working.

I know this seems terribly obvious. Spiritual things once written down often lose their depth. Maybe this is because reading offers knowledge but often doesn't cause us to fully acknowledge the wisdom by living it out. I am not sure.

Actual Joy and Thanksgiving

It was a good weekend. Nothing too extraoridnary but one without drama. These dramaless weekends are rare in my life but recently are happening more often than not. Exciting? YES! I love it. So I am going to praise God for all the things that made me smile this weekend...
1. I survive someone forcing me to go to the gym
2. I got to go into Vancouver on the skytrain with my friend and colleque Dave. There I met someone new who taught me new and interesting things about addiction.
3. I am reading this fantastic and interesting book that was suggested to me called the emotionally heathly church that is helping me to recgonized some issues that I need to deal with. While this sounds like it should be depressing, I am actually at a good place where I want to deal with some things head on so I can get past them.
4. I ate ice cream!
5. Our mexico team took Drime training - it is mime to music. So much fun! We bonded and got over our self consciousness. I got to participate instead of having to be the boss. Seriously so much fun and a great work out. My butt hurts so bad!
6. No one said anything hurtful this morning at church. Actually everyone was really nice.
7. The Calgary Flames won the hockey game against the Vancouver Canucks which gave me bragging rights all day long. I even did a victory dance and was distruptive during the service over it. Hee hee - these dutchies will never get used to me.
8. OOOO they had someone doing actual pottery during the sermon to demonstrate the whole potter and clay thing. So cool!
9. I finally got rid of two big and heavy peices of furniture today. Oh and a hot and nice stranger helped take them away too.
10. I had fun at youth - i started a broomstick war and this absolutely startled and thrilled the boys in my group as i tried to thrash them with sticks. Actually one of the leaders gave them heck for it and was astonished that i had started it. I like to keep them guessing. It may have got out of hand because the pastor got whacked on purpose ( I told them to do that too). Hee hee. All the metal broomsticks were broken by the end of the night. If it wasn't so much fun, i might feel guilty about the waste of them but the bonding was worth every dollar!
11. I had several wonderful conversations with young people where I felt like I was actually helpful.

The "?"

To keep you up to date...

Still in the running

They are meeting on Feb 11 th so pray pray pray!